Cabin Pressure: Like Shooting Stars
by TotalFanGirl221B
Summary: We all know Martin's life can get tough, and when he goes to London and things go wrong, he realises that things are just always going to turn out badly for him. But what can he do about it? (Depression fic)
1. Born to Fly - Chapter 1

Martin stood on the roof of the hotel the crew had booked into. Walking around, he stared up at the sky; everything was so peaceful up there. Nobody could do anything to him up there; he was absolutely free. Of course, soon he would have to descend to the ground. Where all of his problems slapped him in the face over and over. Overdue rent, Douglas' need to make a mockery out his life, and then there were the constant breakdown of the van. _Why did my dad have to leave _me _the van? _He wondered desperately. _I didn't deserve the money; I'd just waste it on flying. _A voice whispered at the back of his head. Obviously.

The man stood over the ledge of the roof, peering down at the world. Looking down to all the people it held, trying to figure out how they did it; how they lived every day without ever wondering about what life _could _be? He realised then it was because they didn't need to; they didn't have his terrible luck. Martin thought about it _constantly. _The thought of a different way kept him going. He would sometimes get that different way; when he was up high. It was times like these he felt as though he could keep going, but then he realised; he couldn't stay up there forever. He'd have to go back down to earth sometime. _Why? Nobody _wants _me. Nobody _needs _me. _He looked up and watched the birds fly above him, wishing he could be one of them. Maybe in another life.

Looking back down, he thought about his options. He'd done this time and time again. Fortunately, this time, he would actually consider the other one. They were: go back down to earth; try again. That option he hated, yet always chose. Then there was jump. Descend differently; by flying. Maybe he would land, maybe he wouldn't. Maybe it would be a crash land, either way he didn't care less. Others might call that _falling. _That was just the technical term for it. He saw it as flying.

Up on that roof he felt so strong. He knew the world below him couldn't defeat him if he was high in the sky. He could defeat _it. _He could do whatever he wished and nobody could stop him. Well, that's what he thought.

As he managed to place both his feet onto the ledge, closed his eyes and placed his arms out as wings, clenching his fists, he thought about MJN air. Not the sad, angry moments. The happy, funny moments that always cheered him up; always kept him going. That's what had stopped him before; MJN. But, as he thought about them today, he shook his head. _It's not enough. _He thought. _If they needed me, wanted me, they'd be _here. _They'd be helping me._ He reminded himself.

Ready. Ready for take-off. Engines on. _I'm ready. _Of course he was; he had been prepared for this moment most of his life, and now he finally had the guts to do it. Finally had the guts to throw himself into the sky; to _take-off _and _fly. _He had no money, no girlfriend, and no _life. _This was what was _meant _for him. One push and he'd be with the birds and the aeroplanes. He'd be away from this cruel world and he'd be doing what he loved. _Flying. _

Unfortunately, as his luck would have it, as soon as he forced the push; as soon as he'd let himself touch the sky, he was snatched from the back by a stranger. Their arms curled around his stomach and they both wobbled a bit before landing. Landing the wrong way; back onto the roof. _No, no, why? _He sighed and then began to scream, not realising who had pulled him back. "Why? Why would you do that? I was _ready! _I could do it!" Then, his screams slowly turned into cries, and he lay close to the man that had saved him, closed his eyes, and cried.

They both lay for a moment in silence, Martin on top of this stranger. He ached too much and cared too little to look back to see who it was. He probably wouldn't be able to tell through the tears that clouded his vision. "Martin?" the other man spoke, a voice Martin recognised. As soon as he realised who it was, he blushed with embarrassment as he knew he had seen him cry; he had now seen what Martin was going through. Nobody was meant to see that but Martin. _Failure; couldn't even fall off a building. Pathetic. _He told himself. "Martin, what were you doing?" Douglas asked, scared of the answer he was going to get.

"D-Douglas?" Martin turned around, so confused and embarrassed he didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to explain how shit his life was that he _had _to end it, without sounding weak. He _couldn't. _Not to Douglas. Not to anybody.

"Martin, don't worry." The older man spoke softly, sitting himself and the captain up.

"What… what are you doing here?"

"I came looking for you- you weren't in our room, or answering your phone, so I was concerned." _Concerned? For me? _Douglas had been concerned ever since he had returned to the hotel late last night and found Martin collapsed on the bed. He knew what a terrible day Martin had been having and knew it wouldn't get better for him. As he thought back to the events that led up to this, he realised he _may _have been too late. Too late to save Martin. His captain. If he hadn't worried, if he hadn't insisted on checking back at the hotel, he may have been too late. Far too late. He hung on to Martin a little tighter as he thought about it, not wanting to let him go.

"O-okay." Martin stuttered, wondering why Douglas' grasp on him had tightened. Douglas stared at him for a moment, realising he probably didn't want to discuss this with him yet. Or maybe at all, _especially _to him. The man who mocked his very existence, almost. _Why is this happening? _Douglas wondered as he began to feel awful for every joke he had ever made about the man.

After a long pause, Douglas finally spoke. "Maybe we should go down, get some breakfast? A full English, perhaps?"

"I-I can't afford it." Douglas stared at him for a moment, realising he knew so little about Martin's financial problems. Maybe he did know; maybe he just hadn't cared at the time. If Martin went every day to work and seemed fine, then he probably was. It just didn't occur to Douglas that something could be terribly wrong. Maybe he should have noticed something.

"My treat." Douglas smiled, but Martin didn't meet it. "Let's just get you downstairs. You can get a shower and I'll sort something out, okay?" Martin just nodded, not knowing whether Douglas really cared about him or they just _really _needed a pilot for GERTI at that moment in time. _Were they really _that _selfish? _"Alright, let's go." Douglas spoke, smiling comfortingly as he pulled his pilot up from the floor and helping him downstairs without seeming to patronising. _His _pilot.


	2. Dream Catch Me - Chapter 2

"You found him _where?"_ Carolyn asked, hoping she had heard wrong.

"On the roof. He was going to- well we know what he was going to do." Douglas sighed as Carolyn also did so, realising her pilot was in a much more serious condition than she had ever thought. She always believed that, although he had his financial problems, he was doing alright. He _seemed _alright on the journeys, of course not when they teased him. Oh, why did they have to tease him? They had only now just realised that all Martin really had was his pride, which is clearly why he tried to hang on to it for so long. "Carolyn?" Douglas asked after he watched Carolyn go blank for a moment. "Carolyn, what are we going to do?"

"I don't know, what can we do?" Douglas was a little surprised by the sense of concern in her voice, but he knew even she was concerned for her pilots, especially when something _this serious _happens. Not that it ever had. "Could we not ignore it? Go back to normal, except be a little nicer to him? He wouldn't want us poking our noses into this."

"He has little choice in the matter," Douglas stated. "He's clearly not in the right mind set to be making any decisions right now." Carolyn nodded in agreement as she thought hard about what they should do. "This won't _go away, _Carolyn. I saw the look in his eyes when I pulled him away from that ledge; he was ready to go. There's no coming back from that unless he has serious, professional help."

"Yes, but how will we convince him to see somebody? You know Martin; he'll act as if everything's fine, even though you saw him on the roof – he'll pretend that didn't happen – and he'll try and go back to normal because _that's Martin. _He _will _try and come back from this alone."

"Well we need to make sure he doesn't because he won't be able to. He'll just get worse, and who knows what will happen. Next time maybe he won't be so lucky that I'm in search of him; maybe he'll be able to do it."

"Douglas-"

"We can't ignore this, Carolyn." Douglas spoke sternly, with more concern in his voice than Carolyn had ever heard, especially when it was directed to Martin. Carolyn nodded and then told him she would try and figure something out, meanwhile she had to go and explain what was causing the delay of their departure that morning.

Martin dressed himself slowly, running over every second of the events of that morning in his head. _What if I had done it? _He wondered. Now he would always wonder. He didn't know whether he hated Douglas for saving him, or whether he was in his debt, because he didn't know if things were going to get better. _Of course, that's what they tell you. "Things will get better, don't worry." Easy for them to say – they don't live in a flat full of students, they don't have to worry about paying the rent every month, and they don't have to juggle two jobs – one of which doesn't pay. _He had paused for a moment, wondering what was going to become of him. Whether he would ever get the courage to do what he had tried that morning again he didn't know, but he also didn't know whether he would have to. Right now he didn't even have hope, and therefore believed he would be in the same situation in a few months or so, if that. However, he immediately stopped thinking about it as soon as Douglas entered the room with the full English he had promised. "I managed to sneak it out of the room – didn't know whether you'd want to eat in a room crowded with people." Martin thanked him but without a smile, not caring anymore. Douglas could see he wasn't that interested in the breakfast he had brought him either, as most of the time he spent dancing his fork around the plate, nudging at the food and pulling faces as if it had done something to offend him. "You need to eat, Martin." Douglas tried, but Martin elected to ignore him.

The two pilots stayed together in the room all day, but barely a word was said. Martin wouldn't even turn to Douglas as he lay himself down onto his bed, closing his eyes, wishing and dreaming of a better place. Douglas, however, kept a keen eye on the captain. _His _captain. Maybe he wouldn't admit it, but Martin was the best captain he had had, and a good friend. Of course Martin wouldn't believe him even if he did say it, but it was the truth. "Martin? Do you want some tea?" Douglas asked, knowing what the answer would be, but still hoping maybe the captain had had a change of heart. Still, there was nothing and so he flopped himself down onto the other bed and sighed. "Martin, you're going to have to eat and drink at some point." Nothing. "Martin, please-"

"Leave me alone." The frustrated voice spoke.

"Martin-"

"Douglas. I said leave me alone." His tone was calm, but Douglas could hear the anger and deadly venom in his friend's tone and so he knew it would definitely be best to shut up.

"Right. Well, I'm going to go downstairs as you obviously don't need me here." He sighed as he pushed himself up, walking to the door. He took one last look to Martin who hadn't moved an inch and shook his head, realising this was going to be a lot harder than he had initially thought.

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><p><strong>Hey, guys! Hope you're liking this so far. I won't be able to update until next week because I have no internet, plus I have a lot of work. I'm hoping, though, to write 2 chapters at least every week, so enjoy :) Reviews appreciated <strong>


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